Monday, November 22, 2010

Assholeville 101

One thing I WILL NOT miss about moving to the sticks are all of the rude people that fill every crevice of every street, store and alleyway. 

People are incredible assholes in the city, especially around the holidays. How is it that we Americans require so much more personal space than Asian cultures and we are ten thousand times more rude than they are? Asian cultures seem to follow a strict code of politeness and have no problem standing less than an inch away from a stranger and not decking them in the forehead, and we Americans don't want people to look at us, touch us, be near us or cut in front of us in any situation or all hell breaks out.

I was thinking of all of the possibilities I might have as a new(er) resident to the hybrid equestrian land. Maybe I can start an after school program for teenagers to teach them how to successfully integrate into a bigger city. I have a whole curriculum already laid out. 


1. Eye Contact: How Not To Make It

2. Space Bubbles: How Not To Invade

3. The Basics Of Brake Checking

4. Nice Gestures/Gifts: Why People Think They're Being Poisoned

5. Greeting Strangers: Why People Think You Want To Rape and/or Murder Them

6. Megan's Law: Navigating The Website/Wrongfully Mistrusting Your Neighbors

7. City Orchard Etiquette: Beware Farmers With Shotguns

8. Neck Tattoos: Distinguishing Prison Tats From Homemade Ones

9. Overpasses: Inappropriate Resting Spots

10. The Homeless: Change And A Cigarette? When To Put Your Foot Down

I really think this will be a beneficial class to the youth of mule town. Who wants to sign up for next semester?

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